Back-to-school advice for Muslims
Salam aleikum to the Muslims. In the name of Allah, I ask Allah for refuge fro refuge from the rejected shaytan, the evil of ourselves, the wickedness of our deeds, from misleading and being lisled, deceiving and being deceived, and from the evils of disbelief and poverty. I testify there is no diety to worship except Allah,and that Muhammad (sallalhu alayhi wa salam) is his slave-servant and messenger. Who so ever Allah guides will not be misguided by others, and who so ever Allah does not guide will not be guided by others.
With school starting back, many of us are not fortunate enough to go to Islamic schools and universities, and therefore must attend school with the disbelievers. Many of us will be exposed to the influences of the disbelievers whether we want to to or not, and some influences we will be exposed to specifically because we do not want to.
Muslims, the first thing is to be careful about who you befriend. How many of us become fiendly with someone only to find out that they plan to join the military or that they have already joined it? We are not forbidden from being kind to those who don’t fight us for our deen, but we can’t get close to those who do, and military personnel are more dangerous to us than are police officers. Not only are the disbelievers automatically suspect, but even Muslims are. The friends in whom you should place your trust and comfort are the Muslims who are serious about this deen and not proponents of Wislam. When you meet Muslims who are not serious, or even those who practice but place too much emphasis on impressing the kuffar, be polite to them and keep on going. Be too busy for them, especially when they start talking about doing good deeds for the sake of public relations and not to obey Allah.
Secondly, lower your gaze. Be you a Muslimah or a Muslim, learn to see the disbelievers and even the immodestly dressed Muslims as what they are… insecure, self-objectifying children. Fast frequently, and eat less when you do. When you see someone who appeals to you visually, remember the part of them that stinks, and remember the flaws that everyone has, even you. It helps to recall these because they will remind you why you do not want them in the long run. If you find yourself drawn to a practicing and modest Muslim who is available to be married later, decide whether or not you want to marry him or her in the long run, and if you do, discuss marriage with them. If you do not, leave him or her alone.
Sisters, if you feel drawn to a Muslim who is practicing and sincere and modest, do not be afraid to discuss marriage with him. There is nothing wrong with this, and Khadijah was always foremost among all of Muhammad’s (saws) wives though she had died before he married again. When his wives began to boast about themselves, and Aisha (ra) boasted that Muhammad had married her when she was a virgin, Fatima (ra) told Aisha, “My mother married him when he was a virgin.” To be a man’s Khadijah is not wrong, and such a woman is not to blame if he turns out to be a major disappointment. Lastly, refusing to marry because of your or his current status as a college student alone is an oppression of yourself. If you are waiting on him to graduate and then make money before you agree to marry him, it is your right but you will always come second to women who will marry a brother that is still working torwards his goal.
For the Muslims, there will be those classmates and schoolmates who will have something to say about your Islam, especially if you are distinct because of it. Develop a thick skin, and learn to expect harsh words from somewhere, some time. By being prepared before hand, the psychological shock will not be there when the verbal attack comes. This will allow you to defend yourself verbally. This brings me to my next point.
If you are in grade school and not yet in college, the likelihood of you getting into a fistfight is higher, especially if you are in a public shool or even a private school devoid of Muslims. By exercising in your free time, you will be better prepared to defend yourself and even go on the counter-offensive should any disbeliever decide to physically test you. Be you female or male, the best thing to do when you are attacked is to not only defend yourself, but to also respond with greater force to punish the attacker enough to scare even others from crossing you. Contrary to what teachers and principals tell you, violence does solve problems that are created by the violent. There is no dawah like hurting your attackers, and if you can break their hands or wrists, all the better. If you are pestered by someone too large to confront directly, then sneak up on them with a weapon and surprise-attack them, preferably in front of others who have seen their mistratment of you. This way, the message is sent to all that you will do anything necessary to defend your self and your honor and punish your attackers. Others who outweigh you will only be more afraid, not just of you, but of others smaller than themselves because of the example you have set. Your actions may result in expulsion or suspension, but as someone who has been suspended for fighting twelve schoolmates, it isn’t so bad. If your parents are willing to punish you for defending yourself, they shouldn’t have had children to begin with and it makes sense for you to leave them. Ask them to go to school with you to protect you and see how non-violent they can be. Hopefully, you will never have to do any of these things, but the likelihood increases for those unprepared.
For all ages and grade levels of you, the underlying key to all of this is to make du’a, read the Qur’an in piecemeal, and to draw near to Allah by drawing near to those who are serious about worshipping Him. May Allah make your affairs easy for you. Salam aleikum.
Al X